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Dustin had a big heart for other people and really never stopped to focus on
his own feelings of the heart. He felt his life was to make others happy. Did not know how to say no to anyone. But
the last few months before his death from conversations and emails I think he was learning that he also had a life that
needed attention and he had to focus on him and who he was and what he wanted to be. That he could not continue being
all everyone wanted him to be. but had to find himself. Which in life that is a hard thing to do for all
of us where do we fit in this life what do we want out of this life. And many times you have to change alot of the person
you are at that time because it doesn't fit into the person you want to be. Change friends, change how you deal with family,
change your job, change your way of thinking, learn to say no . Dustin was pulled from all directions and never could
say no. And the last couple months of Dustin's life this is exactly what he was beginning to do, FIND DUSTIN. He
told me he was moving into a place of his own that the roommate thing was not good and he didn't want to move back to family
to much pressure there but wanted to live on his own. Now he has found himself and no worries about having to tell
people no. hurting people's feelings but can be what he always wanted to be and that was just DUSTIN!
His death was sudden and left a hole in my heart that will never be whole again.
This page I am adding for Valentines Day because we all think of the heart as a symbol of love. I will have stories of broken
hearts due to a loss of a loved one, poems of encouragement and ways to start to heal the heart which is not a overnight process.
Many say I have moved on I am okay , I pray and all is good, He is in a better place wth God. Which this is great for
them to say they feel this way but you know what you can not heal a heart in such a short time. When a heart is
broke it is like breaking an egg and crumbles into many pieces and to put it back together is timely and always that
one piece missing and for a mom that is the loss of her child. A piece that will never be replaced or glued back together
but can be healed of the pain , so it is not so great, to be able to accept that God has a new life for us and
help us accept our loss in our heart and not just saying the words. The mending of the heart is easier for a friend, a sister
a dad but for a MOM it is not. So please be careful what you say to a mom because you know what she does not feel the same
way you do and in time naybe she will but so many words said take a mom back to day one and the grief and pain start all over
again. The words that bring you so much comfort is not the same for a mother.
Carol has been such a support to me and you can see by her letters that she was
a God send to me:
Hello Pati,
good to hear from you again.
Glad Feb was a little bit better
for you.
I wish you many blessings for your Birthday, and Dustin will be as near as ever to you, and more so than he ever
was on this earth...He too will be praying for you and your family and will be waiting for you when your time comes to leave
this old world.....
Sometimes i think of this journey of life like a ride on a train, and some get off at the first stop
and some at later stops but all are on the same train and reach their final destination at different times. God made us and
he loves your son so much more than you can ever do..Think of all the good you did for Dustin, well God created him what much
more would he not do now for him. I always feel Tony near me especially when i am down and sad...so that tells me God is letting
him come to me. He has helped me to cope with his loss, sometimes i cant make any sense out of why it happened, but i try
to trust in the love of God and leave it all to him.We will all meet again one day, dont ever forget that.
I will be
thinking of you to-morrow, its mother's day here in Ireland. there are lots of mothers all around the world like us...there
has to be a reason for all this suffering..One day God will tell us why???
You take care and keep in touch,
God be with
you always,
Carol.
I Can Tell
Steven L. Channing
I can tell by that look friend, that we need to talk.
So come take my hand and let's go for a walk.
See I'm not like the others -I won't shy away.
Because I want to hear what you've got to say.
Your child has died and you need to be heard.
But they don't want to hear a single word.
They say your child's with God ,so be strong.
They say all the "right" things that somehow seem wrong.
I'll walk in your shoes for more than a mile.
I'll wait while you cry and be glad if you smile.
I won't criticize you or judge you or scorn.
I'll just stay and listen 'til night turns to morn.
Yes, the journey is hard and unbearably long.
And I know that you think that you're not quite that strong.
So just take my hand 'cause I've got time to spare.
And I know how it hurts, friend, for I have been there.
See, I owe a debt you can help me repay.
For not so long ago, I was helped the same way.
And I stumbled and fell through a world so unreal.
So believe when I say that I know how you feel.
I don't look for praise or financial gain.
And I'm sure not the kind who gets joy out of pain.
I'm just a strong shoulder who'll be here 'til the end.
I'll be your Compassionate Friend !!!
Healing takes time
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” wrote David (Psalm 34:18,
NIV). Ask and receive God’s love and encouragement, because He is very near to you. God can work with a heart that has
a hole in it, because the need is so great for it to be filled.
Psalm 126:5 promises, “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.” God will heal all broken hearts. We
will no longer feel sad for what we lacked in this physical life because God will fill our hearts and make us complete.
Even though we have these holes in our hearts, I am here to tell you that there is hope for you and me, and for all
the brokenhearted. There is hope for those who sorrow, because there is a Healer who will mend our broken hearts. As David
said in Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God wants to heal us of all of our
wounds.
Sometimes our heart is so broken that we can’t even express the
words and nothing seems to take the pain away.
People who try to encourage us can’t seem to say the right thing. Like a deep wound, a broken heart will not
heal overnight. Like some medicines that burn when you apply them to a skin wound, so can a well-meaning friend who says the
wrong thing at the wrong time. Who wants to pour rubbing alcohol on an open wound?
So what is the right ointment for our hearts? How do we begin to heal? How can the hole in our hearts that is gaping
open begin to close?
Recognize the pain and understand it is OK to hurt. Sometimes we seek to cover the pain by ignoring it or through
other means like the use of alcohol or drugs, which will only cause us to get infected and reverse the healing process. Like
a deep skin wound, we must apply the right ointment or a Band-Aid so we can begin to heal or else it can get infected and
become worse. We cannot ignore our pain and think it will go away. Sorrow and loss can be so painful that it seems no one
or nothing can make the pain go away.
Understand that it is OK to hurt. We try to push the hurt away, but we can’t. The hurt isn’t outside
of us—it’s inside. So, in our attempt to push the hurt away, we actually push the hurt deeper inside. We then
can spend the rest of our life running from this suppressed hurt.
By going through our hurts, we are a part of the human race—millions of people who are going through similar
pains. It is during this time that we need a lot of love, encouragement and hope restored. We realize how frail we are and
see our great need for God.
It is a time to reflect on the true meaning of life and the greatest opportunity of all to draw close to God. It
is an opportunity to learn empathy toward others who are going through the same things. You cannot do all of these things
if you try to ignore the pain.
2. Seek the Healer. Seek God as your healer! Just like you tell a doctor your symptoms, tell God how much you were
wounded and need His healing touch. He will hear the cries of the broken. God the Father wants to reach down, take your hand,
and walk you through your pain. It may take weeks. For many of us it will take years, perhaps even a lifetime to close the
wounds of our hearts completely. God will spend as much time and as many years as necessary to help you through it.
King David said in Psalm 56:8, “You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your
book?” God was so aware of David that He even collected his tears. In the same way God is involved and aware of our
pain, our joys, our failures, our accomplishments.
Understand that God can be closer to us when the pain is so great than at any other times in our life.
Understand that God can be closer to us when the pain is so great than at any other times in our life.
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