You — and you alone — will have stars as
no one else has them.
In one of them I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing
when you look at the sky at night.
You — only you — will have stars that can laugh!
And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows),
you will be content that you have known me.
— Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Mother is the one we count on for the things that
matter most of all.
Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts
Grief comes in one
size, Extra Large.
If we tuck it away in the bottom drawer
where it never sees the light of day,
it remains exactly
On the other hand,
if we wear it, feel it, talk about it,
and share it with others,
it is likely that
it will become faded, shrunk and worn,
or will simply no longer fit.
When grief has served its purpose,
we are able
to recognize the many gifts we have gained.
-- Dianne Arcangel
A Poem for All Parents, In Memory of Shane
A GRIEVING PARENT
A grieving parent is someone who will;
never forget their child no matter how painful memories are.
A grieving parent is someone who;
yearns to be with their dead, but cannot conceive leaving their
A grieving parent is someone who;
has a part of a heart as the rest is buried with their child.
A grieving parent is someone who; begs for relief from the memories
which plague them and then feel guilty when they get it.
A grieving parent is someone who;
pretends to be happy and enjoying life, when they really are
A grieving parent is someone who, can cry or laugh at the drop
of a hat whenever they remember their beloved child.
A grieving parent is someone who; feels as if they just lost
their child yesterday no matter how much time has passed.
A grieving parent is someone who; fears for their remaining
family because they cannot bear to have any more losses.
A grieving parent is someone who; sits by their child's gravestone
and feels a knife stabbing their heart.
A grieving parent is someone who; ants to help others who have
lost loved ones because somehow their loss is theirs all over again.
Date: 1/15/2008 10:37:24 AM
You know just when you think you are going
to have a good day you go in a store and checking out and the girl behind the counter who you have known for years and seen
working in different stores around town for years ask the unthinkable question. Now remember I live in a town of about 3000
where you can't go to the bathroom that someone doesnt' know about it. Well Sat. I was in a store and this woman ask me how
Christopher was. I just froze in my tracks. A million thoughts went through my head all in a nano second and I was thinking
"and i was having a good day" Now I've got to tell her that my son is gone and has been for 2 years. That just bowled me over
but good. That hasn't happened in a long time and took me by surprise to say the least. All she knew was that my son was always
attached to me at the hip and she just hasn't seen us together in such a long time and she knew how spoiled he was and got
anything he wanted when we were in a store. At that moment I realized that I am so glad that I did spoil him so and that leaves
no regrets for me. Heck he used to call me from his room on his cell phone to me in the living room to bring him something
to drink and you know I would. But I wouldn't change that for anything in the world now. I always told my now X husband, who
fussed because i spoiled him, that was what they were for. So Even though that question took me back 2 years and
brought tears to my eyes I am once again reminded of how proud I am of how I raised my son. spoiled or not.
Grief is neither
an illness nor a pathological condition,
but rather a highly personal
and normal response
to life-changing events,
that can lead to healing
and personal growth.
The transition through this difficult time
the courageous journey.
-- Sandi Caplan and Gordon Lang,
us to heal,
to remember with love rather than pain.
It is a sorting process.
One by one you let go
of the things
that are gone
and you mourn for them.
One by one you take hold
of the things that have become a part of who you
and build again.
-- Rachel Naomi Remen
I have been working alot of hours and many mornings I come in it's dark. I
sit by a big glass window and often watch the sun as it rises. I always remember back to one evening my 13 year
old daughter, Marci, & I were visiting my parents (they had just purchased a waterfront condo). Marci came
running in and told us the sun was going down and wanted us to watch. Marci, Mom and I sat on the dock and watched the big
orange ball go down
over the water. It was a beautiful sight and a moment I will always
cherish. A couple days later Marci and I were headed to do my part time
job (she loved to help me). We were driving over a bridge and the sun was beautiful shining on the water. I
told her one morning we would get up really early, pack our Diet Coke and donuts and take Pop-Pops boat out to sit and watch
the sun come up together beings we had watched it go down.
She fell ill that next week and we never had the chance to do it.
Some days it hurts so bad to watch that sun come up but yet I can't help but find
the beauty in it also. It's the sign of a new day with new memories, new hopes and new dreams. This story helps
to remind me that I need to be thankful for the memories I have and try not to yearn so badly for the moments I will miss
by losing her so soon. This morning as I watched the sun come up, I talked to Marci and I almost told her like
usual that I wish she was here to watch with me, but then (for the first time) I realized she is here, as long as she's still
in my heart.
So when the sun comes up and the warmth settles over you, remember to cherish each
day and don't take your life or loved ones for granted. God has given you another day to make beautiful memories.
In Loving Memory of Marci Bee Dayton 3/5/91 - 5/8/05
My Daughter, my Friend, my Hero.
Please See Me Through My Tears
asked, "How are you doing?"
As I told you, tears came to my eyes . . .
And you looked away and quickly began to talk
All the attention you had given me drained away.
"How am I doing?" . . .
I do better when people listen,
I may shed a tear or two.
These feelings are indescribable.
If you’ve never felt them you cannot fully understand.
I need you.
When you look away,
when I’m ignored,
I am again alone with them.
Your attention means more
than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They’re nature’s way of helping
me to heal . . .
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.
I know you fear that asking
how I’m doing
brings me sadness . . .
but it doesn’t work that way.
The memory of my loved one’s absence is with me,
a thought away.
My tears make my loss more visible to you,
but you did not cause this sadness.
It was already
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless,
not knowing what to do?
You are not helpless,
don’t need to do a thing but be here for me.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
You need not speak. Your silence is all I need.
Be patient . . . do not fear.
Listening with your
heart to "how am I doing"
validates what I’m going through,
for when the tears can freely come I feel lighter.
to you releases
what I’ve been wanting to say aloud,
clearing space for a touch of joy in my life.
cry for a minute or two . . . then I’ll wipe my eyes,
and sometimes you’ll even find I’m laughing in
When I hold back my tears, my throat grows tight,
my chest aches, my stomach knots . . .
trying to protect you from my tears.
Then we both hurt . . .
me, because my feelings are held inside,
and a shield against our closeness . . .
and you, because suddenly we’re emotionally distant.
So please, take
my hand and see me through my tears . . .
then we can be close again