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The pain of loosing a child is the deepest pain a mom can have. The pain is greater
for a mom than a dad, sister, brother or a friend. No one, except another mom and God, even has a clue how
it feels. I see family and friends all moving on and laughing and accepting the death. But for a mother that carried
this precious child for 9 months and gave birth to this child, stayed up nights with this child, the pain is deeper than anyone
could have. The deep inner relationship with this child and their mother is greater than any other could have with
this person. Everyone says "I know how you feel" and "I miss him too" and "pray and think of all positive thoughts". You know
those words do not mean a thing to a mother that has lost her child. And those words just make you want you to shut
that person out of your life because they do not understand at all what you're going through. You get angry, the hurt
grows stronger and you feel so alone. I personally have turned to mothers that have lost a child and they DO KNOW what
it feels like and they all have been where I am right now. Many families drift apart during the grief of a mother because
they do not understand why you're still in so much pain. Why you can't look at the positive, but how could they? A
child has ONE MOTHER so no one else can feel what they feel or understand the deep pain they have. Like one mother said,
sometimes just a hug with no words spoken is more comforting than one saying anything. Because if you have not been here and
you're not this child's mother, you have no clue and the words many times cause more pain than support. Also, why you
want to shut all around you out. I pray to God and talk to my son and yes, they both hear me. Dustin does answer me
in a very strong way, lately a lot of visual messages and other times it is like he reads the letters I write him
and replies. A couple of times he gave me the pep talk before I even knew I was going to need it. So, a mom gets more support
from the child they have lost, God and other mothers that have lost a child than from anyone else. I do get a few e-mails
from people that have not lost a child but the words of comfort touch my heart in a major way and for those I am thankful. They
are mostly from people I do not even know but who knew Dustin.
Below I have some poems that other moms have shared. And reading and contacting
other mothers is where I get the most comfort and I hope that adding this to my website will also help other mothers who need
comforting.
I Pray
Author Unkown
I pray you never walk through,
The agony I've known.
I pray that all your little ones,
Will stay until they've grown.
I pray that you never hear,
These brokenhearted cries.
I pray you never know the anguish,
When a child dies.
Eternity
~ Author Unknown ~
I know you're feeling sad today
Because I had to go
I know you have so many things
That remind you of me so
And though you cry as you recall
The times you spent with me
I know your pain would turn to joy
If only you could see
I'm in Heaven with Jesus now
We laugh, we sing, we play
He holds me gently in His arms
I have no pain today
And though we're apart a little while
Jesus has said to me
He will someday bring you here
Where we'll live for eternity
Untitled
Author Unknown
Mother, please don’t mourn for me;
I’m still here, though you don’t see.
I’m right by your side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I’m always near
I’m everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart
As long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I’ll never wander out of your sight.
I’m the brightest stat on a summer night.
I’ll never be beyond your reach.
I’m the warm, moist sand when you’re at the beach.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around
And the pure, white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the beautiful flowers of which you are so fond.
The clear, cool water in a quiet pond.
I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in the spring;
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
And you’ll see that the face in the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,
You can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I’ll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
And you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the hot, salty tears that flow when you weep
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me, Mommy, I’m everyplace!
The Cord
Author Unknown
We are connected,
My child and I,
By an invisible cord,
Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.
This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised…. I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take away!
A PARENT'S PRAYER
Dear God,
You sent a child
to me
To fill my life with joy,
And only You knew which was best --
A little girl or boy.
Somehow I took for granted,
Lord,
That we would have a lifetime,
And I made so many future plans
For that precious child of mine.
Enchanted
by that Miracle,
Caught up in each new day,
I guess I didn't hear You, Lord,
When You said, "This one can't stay."
I
trust You, Lord. Thy will; not mine,
Yet I can't understand
This sudden loss -- the emptiness --
Caused by another's
hand.
I know my child's an angel now
But my heart is aching so.
I'm sorry I wasn't ready, Lord,
To let my baby
go.
There wasn't time for one last hug;
There was no final kiss.
Oh God, it's all those special smiles
That I
already miss.
So Lord, could you do just one thing
For me especially?
Please hold my angel close to You
And say
goodbye for me. Amen
-- by Bonnielee Walsh c. 1995
The Promise
Cold winds blow across the frozen pond.
Snow lies deep upon the fields.
But the change has begun.
Daylight hours increase slowly.
With each passing day later sunsets are more
apparent
Winter is ending.
For bereaved parents
The change is awfully slow
The progress is not always apparent
But the promise is the same.
Winter will end.
Spring will return.
Betty Stevens,
TCF, Baltimore, MD
I'm An Angel Now
Author Unknown
One night I cried to Jesus
As I sat beneath the tree;
I looked up into the open sky
And hoped He'd answer me.
"I'm lost dear lord...
I've traveled far but still I seem to roam;
Please light the way and lead me, Lord,
I need to get back home."
I told him of my burdens
And of the sadness in my heart;
That from his gracious love
I'd never felt so far apart.
"Why did you take my child, Lord?
I cannot understand!
No longer can I touch her face
Or hold her tiny hand."
"I'm angry, Lord... I'm missing her,
I'm drowning in my sorrow;
Please help to heal my yesterday
And face each new tomorrow."
It was then I heard her gentle voice
And felt her presence near;
How I wanted so to hold her
As I cried another tear.
She said "Mommy, I'm an angel now,
My spirit will be free;
I'm an angel now in heaven,
So please don't cry for me."
"I was chosen by our Lord above
And now I'm in His care;
Whenever you need me,
Just look inside your heart;
I promise to be there."
"No one can ever take away
Our bond with one another:
For I'll always be your precious child,
As you will always be my mother."
"So if you cannot find your way
Or the road to home seems far;
Just look up to the Heavens
And I'll be your guiding star."
She said "Mommy, I'm an angel now,
My spirit will be free;
I'm an angel now in Heaven...
There's no need to cry for me."
LOVE NEVER GOES AWAY
By Darcie D. Sims
Why does it hurt so much? Why is this grief so incapacitating? If only the hurt weren’t
so
crushing. Sounds familiar? All of us have known hurts before, but none of our previous ouchies
can compare with the hurt we feel. Nothing can touch the pain of burying a child.
Yet most of us have discovered that the sun still comes up. We still have to function. We
did not
die when our child did, even though we wished we could have, so we are stuck with this pain,
this grief, and what do we do with it? Surely we can’t live like THIS forever!
There are no magic formulas for surviving grief. There are a few recognized patterns for grief,
but
even those are only guidelines. What we do know is that the emptiness will never go away.
It will
become tolerable and livable some day.
TIME the longest word in our grief. We used to measure TIME by the steps of our child the
first word, first tooth, first date, first car now we don’t have that measure any more.
All we have
is TIME, and it only seems to make the hurt worse.
So what do we do? Give ourselves TIME to hurt, to grieve, to cry. TIME to choke, to scream.
TIME to be crazy
and TIME to remember. Be nice to yourself! Don’t measure your progress
through grief against anyone else’s. Be your own timekeeper.
Don’t push. Eventually you will find the hours and days of grief have turned to minutes
and then
momentsbut don’t expect them to go away. We will always hurt. You don’t get over
grief it
only becomes tolerable and livable. Change your focus a bit. Instead of dwelling on how much
you lost, try thinking of how much you had. Try letting good memories come over you as easily
as the awful ones do. We didn’t lose our child HE [SHE] DIED. We don’t lose the
love that
flowed between us it still flows, but differently now.
Does it help to know that if we didn’t love so very much, it would not hurt so badly?
Grief is the
price we pay for love. And as much as it hurts, I’m very glad I loved. Don’t let
death cast ugly
shadows, but rather warm memories of the loving times you shared. Even though death comes,
LOVE NEVER GOES AWAY!
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